I've been meaning to post these for, um, ever, so that I could show them to Donna at Bites for her Halloween contest/madness. But I am a procrastinator, so here they are:
I can't draw out of my head, I have to have something to look at, so -- this is a picture of a stone cemetery angel which I found in the book Hell House, and which I found creepy, and had to (try to) draw and this is a page from the (so cute) book Cinderella Skeleton. I have drawn other pages from this book in the past, I just love it so much. Isn't she darling?
Lastly, this is .... me, I'll admit it. I was Captain Sally Goldwench. And my neighbor had just given me a thank you gift, so I am holding silicon bakeware. Very pirate chic.
Well, Donna, there's my proof* that I got my creative on. And now have shared it with the world. Oh, man.
*Are we on the honor system? Should I have taken pictures of me holding my drawings?
You all have figured out by now that I like dystopian fiction, right? Well, since I knew I'd be reading it anyway, I decided to go ahead and join a little dystopian challenge:
It runs from October 15th through the end of the year, and the goal is to read 1-4 dystopian books. So far I've read 2 and it's been 2 weeks. So, yeah, I like dystopian...
If you've read any of those and want me to lean toward them, or if you've read any great dystopic fic that you think I may not know about, please, chime in...
Alright, folks, it's the big day. Last chance to get in some points in Helluva Halloween (if you don't know what I'm talking about, where the hell have you been?) A few lucky people are going to be receiving some little treaties*. I've been buying randomness all week.
I'm not going to lie, it's going to take me a few days (read: a week or so) to tally up everything and check links, so I will announce the winners as soon as I can.
This is the first year in my quarter-century of existence that I have not been able to dress up and take someone trick-or-treating, which makes me sad, but when I got home from work (where I did wear a spider ring and a skeleton t-shirt with a flashing heart -- had to get some sort of costuming in there), I found out that I won the Spooktober Awesomeness over at Ellz Readz. I chose The Historian and Blood Promise (I get a treat bag, too!)
THANKS, ELIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (<--- that's lucky 13...). Also, I won another Halloweeny book the other day. I randomly entered a comment contest through Fresh Fiction by commenting on a guest post by author Amanda Grange, and I won her book My Darcy, Vampyre -- and I received it the very next day!
THANKS AMANDA, FRESH FICTION, FEDEX AND JANE AUSTEN!!!!
Is it completely sacrilegious/horrible to say Jesus? Because, I mean, come on. That would be one powerful skull. If not Jesus, probably Cleopatra. I am intrigued by her. And what with facial reconstruction tech, it would be interesting to see if she was worth the hype.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!
*Of the trick-or-treat variety, not the Treaty of __________ variety. If you didn't know this, you're disqualified, and probably a mouth-breather.
Well, folks, I think today is going to be the last Helluva Halloween Spotlight (for this year, anyway). So I figured we could go out with a bang or a bite. Since I can't think of any exploding Halloween creatures, I chose bite. Today we turn the spotlight on vampires (but just a normal spotlight. Nothing too bright, just in case).
But really, what is there to say that hasn't already been said? If you don't want to be undead and bloodthirsty forever and ever, everyone knows, just don't get bit. Um, just stay away from any fluid exchange. But there are some other tips to take into account...
Some safeguards to prevent rising as a vampire:
always to treat your open wounds with boiling water
never rebel against the Church
make sure you're buried upside down
have a scythe or sickle placed near your grave
do not allow your corpse to be jumped over by an animal, especially a dog or cat
If you fear that a loved one is going to rise from the grave, or that a cemetery near you may be infested, use this simple trick from the old country: lead a virgin boy on a virgin stallion through the graveyard. The horse will balk at any infested sites. Or, of course, you can always just dig up the grave and note the state of decomposition. If they are pink and plump, stake 'em.
Now let's have some fun, shall we?
This is the wall of vampire awesomeness. It's fun, it's scary, it's yummy to look at, and it could earn you points. Click on it and get a good look. For each little square, you can earn 15 points in my Helluva Halloween contest by emailing me the name of the character, actor and movie, 5 points apiece. If you only know 2, that's 10 points, etc. Don't cheat and google, people, show your know-how. Now, I originally had one here that was a little easier to distinguish, but I decided that wasn't a challenge. So now it's super close-up. This will run until Nov. 1, at which point I will put the original up, as well as the answers. When you think you've got 'em figured out, email me @ mbradenwf@gmail.com with your answers.
I've been meaning to add this for awhile, as I read and reviewed it on Goodreads at the end of the summer. But better books were calling my name, and this got pushed back. But even though I didn't really like this book, I thought I would go ahead and add the review now, that way those of you who are into this sort of book can have a shot at it for the 100th Follower contest. (I do like the fact that I used the word "debaucherous," however...)
The Luxe is about turn of the century New York socialites falling in love and misbehaving. New York's darling debutant, Elizabeth Holland is poised to marry one of the most eligible (and debaucherous) bachelors in the city, but her perfect life is not what it seems.
The Luxe reads like Gossip Girl meets Edith Wharton. Sadly, it has all of the shallowness and poor writing of the former, with little of the intelligence and power of the latter. Godbersen does her best (I guess) to make the time period interesting and appealing to today's teen girl audience, but the result is predictable, flat and strange. It really is as if the GGs had put on costumes and were playing at The Age Of Innocence*: their actions and dialogue is not well-suited to the time or the story. This isn't to say that they can't be scandalous; I don't buy into a white-washed history. I know people always have skeletons in their closets, regardless of the morés of the time. More so, even, in a repressive society. Wharton demonstrated that expertly. But the actions of the characters in this book seem too careless and intentionally shocking, and as such seems silly. It's hard as well to feel for the characters. They have very few redeeming qualities, and I was torn between wanting them to have the happy ending that was (obviously-parading-as-stealthily) coming and seeing them get what they actually deserved.
The structuring was a bit weird for me as well, especially when it came to conversations between the characters. One character would say something, and then Godbersen would spend a whole nice-sized paragraph describing something (the rich scene, someone's dress, some incident from the past, whatever), and then the character who was spoken to would respond. By that point, I was completely out of the flow of conversation and had no idea what had been said in the first place and had to look back to follow the thread of dialogue. It was a strange choice on her part and her editor's. And though some description of finery and scene were necessary, they were a bit overdone and tended to overwhelm the story (or maybe mask a lack of it); if I had had to read about 'pocket doors' one more effing time, I may have had a fit of hysterics like some of the characters were prone to.
This is not to say that teen girls won't find this book just heart-flutteringly terrific. If Godbersen set out to write a soap opera dressed up as historical literature, she succeeded at that, and there is a market for it, as demonstrated by the very successful series that has sprung from this book. For me though, it's a shame it didn't live up to its pretty cover.
Bonus Material: The BM is going to be fairly short and sweet today (unlike my review...;p)
Of course, these books have their own site. And like the books it's beautiful. You can enter to win the whole series, download wallpapers and profile backgrounds, and read letters from author, Anna.
I mentioned Edith Wharton a lot in my review, so maybe you want to skip over the fluff and go straight for the stuff, ehh? (okay, that was lame). Anyway, you can read or listen to various works by Wharton here thanks to the fantastic Project Gutenberg.
Here's a trailer that uses bits of various period piece films. Lovely, if anachronistic...
*Yes, I am aware that they did in fact have an episode where they did this. I didn't watch it, but I'm sure it was better than this book. So just get yourself a copy of that episode.
I am a big fan of dystopic fiction, and The Knife of Never Letting Go is one of the most compelling pieces of dystopia I have read in awhile.
Basically: Todd Hewitt is the last boy in Prentisstown. His birthday is coming, when he will take his place among the men of his community: a community of only men, where each can hear the others' thoughts. The inhabitants of Prentisstown -- man and beast alike -- are afflicted with Noise: a continual stream of thoughts and images from every male creature. There is no stopping or shielding Noise, it is just a way of life. But when Todd stumbles upon a hole in the Noise, things begin to change in Todd's life and he finds himself on the run from all of the people he's ever known, and discovering along the way that all he's known to be true may not be.
I loved Todd's voice. It did take some getting used to; and not just Todd's voice but the steady stream of all voices, down to Todd's dog, Manchee, or the crocodiles that want to eat him. But Noise has a different font (or many), and once the transition into Noise has been made, all of the voices become very compelling and interesting. Ness manages to make them distinct, which is no easy feat. He also keeps the sense of urgency going through the story without ever making the reader think "Oh, enough already!", or without giving away too much information too soon, so that the revelations along the way are spoiled. The action remains taut and the narrative quick-paced and interesting.
The Knife of Never Letting Go is the first in a trilogy, Chaos Walking, and Ness couldn't have made that more clear. First, there is no way that the conflicts of the story could have been resolved in one book; second, the ending is so abrupt that it would leave most readers extremely irritated if it was not to be continued. The ending still may irritate some, but it certainly makes you want to read the next in the series, The Ask and the Answer...*
Really, there's not much more I can say with out giving something crucial away. There's a lot of crucial in this book. But if you can't feel for Todd and get caught up in his story (that is, if you have the attention span to handle Noise), then I don't think you're human. I'm just saying.
Bonus Material:
Patrick Ness's site, with various random bits for you to consume.
I've been sitting here for about ten minutes staring at an empty blogger post page, wondering where exactly to begin with this book.
There's a question I've been asking myself lately about the quality of authors' writing, and when -- if ever -- is it okay to let things slide?
I had some issues with this book, but it was also one of the rare books where I felt it was sort of okay to let some things slide. Why? Because when a book is about:
zombies (human) zombies (bovine) teen sorceresses determined to end the world horny teen minions Ancient Gods tentacled hell beasts ghouls graveyard guardians (ghosts) dead terriers (ghosts) determined mini-golfers (ghosts) obese werewolves (main character) balding vampires (main character) spectres in a magic eight ball a diner designed to end the world mail order hoodoo catalogues* and a tiny, tiny town with more paranormal activity than just about anywhere (see Law of Anomalous Phenomena Attraction**)
I guess it's understandable that some of the actual writing may fall by the wayside. Maybe? It is a lot to juggle.
Alright, let's be honest. This is not a book you go into thinking it's going to be great literature. And you wouldn't be wrong. It was a little like reading Shaun of the Dead or a Scary Movie script. It was silly and slapsticky and fun. There definitely needed to be a better copy editor, and the characters may have been a bit flat, but they are all memorable, the entire ridiculous cast of them.
But I digress. Because other than the list up there, I haven't actually told you what the book is about. Duke (the massive former-trucker werewolf) and Earl (the middle age, balding vampire with a penchant for Hawaiian shirts) are on the road as usual when they stop for a bite at Gil's All Night Diner in the nowhere town of Rockwood. They settle in and Duke beings wolfing (couldn't resist) down his food, when they are set upon by zombies. They dispatch them and learn from the diner's operator, Loretta, that the zombies are a regular occurrence and are on the verge of ruining her business. Oh, and she needs a new water pipe laid. Would the Sirs, Werewolf and Vampire, like to stay and lay the pipe and maybe help sort out the zombie problem? (answer: yes) But the problem is much bigger than zombies, and Duke and Earl soon realize that the fate of the world lies in Gil's greasy spoon. Ghouls and antics follow.
So, as I said, it's like reading a scarody (scary parody. Sometimes, I am too amused by myself). It's funny and light and vulgar and gross, but there are some really great elements in there, and it is certainly memorable. The writing is very simplistic, and it at times has a sort of film noir feel. I have a feeling Martinez had fun writing it, and it is fun to read, even if just as a throwaway Halloween read.
The book has its own Wikipedia page, which politely explains the novel's title:
The title of this novel is a play on the phrase "all night diner." However, it is an "all fright diner" due to the encompassing supernatural elements.
Thank you, Wikipedia.
~~~
Surprisingly, this was nominated for a 2006 Alex Award. The award is given to adult books that may have special appeal to teens. I found this book in the teen section, which surprised me from page one, because it is incredibly vulgar and not at all "teen." Or maybe I'm a prude.
~~~
The book did contain a very helpful description of the "average zombie":
Your average zombie is not a killing machine. Their fighting prowess springs from a single-minded determination and a certain walking corpse stick-to-itiveness.
Earl reached into the pool of empty beers. "Damn it Duke! If that's the last beer, I'm going to have to kick your ass." Like Arthur with Excalibur, he withdrew a full beer. "You got lucky."
The vampire glanced at the floor. His shadow was indeed gone again. It did that quite often. Sometimes disappearing for hours or even days. Earl always hated that. He just knew that wherever it went, it was having a better time than him.
Reality is like a fruitcake: pretty enough to look at, but with all sorts of nasty things lurking just beneath the surface.
The other men saw that the herd had surrounded them unnoticed. The cow bells should have warned them....Melinda raised her head and uttered a low, haunting howl. The rest of the herd joined her in a bloodcurdling moan that seemed to bubble up from the sulfurous pit of Hell itself. "Mo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oo."
Here's a (really bad but funny) fan made trailer
*Crazy Ctharl's Hard-to-Find Sorcerous Emporium, "Prices so low, you'll question the collective dream of sanity....The darkness approaches, and Ctharl says everything must be sold before the Lords of Doom swallow the world!" **Law of Anomalous Phenomena Attraction = weird shit attracts more weird shit.
Remember, you can link all the posts you want in the challenge portion, but if you want them to count for points in the contest, you must be a follower and you must mention the challenge in the post somewhere. I will be checking.
Also, make sure I have a way to contact you. There will be two winners based on point totals, and 1 winner chosen randomly.
...how awesome you are? (a part of me really wanted to say 'that I love you', but I refrained. Damn song.)
Know why? Because
I HAVE 100 FOLLOWERS!!!!
I think we should celebrate. Let's all go out to dinner. Sound good? Or maybe we should just have a contest. Sound better? I thought so. So here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking that I would like to offer one lucky fantastic follower the choice of any book I've reviewed (winner's choice) or will review before the contest ends, lets say November 30th. That should give me time to get some more yummy reviews in, and I'll make sure to work in some good stuff that I know everyone wants to read. (I've been reading it all, just haven't had time to review.)
So here's how this will work. Next time I have a chance, I will start a post with links to all of my reviews. You, my lovelies, can go through and read them if you want, see if there's anything you might want to own your very own self. I will keep adding to the list and you can keep changing your mind until the 30th rolls around, and then I will pluck one of you from a hat and you can tell me which spanking new book you want. Easy peasy.
So if you are a follower, and if you would like to own something I've read and shared with you, let me know by commenting with your email address.
And if you would like to comment* on any of the reviews**, well then, I may just want to give you 5 extra entries each time.
And if you want to link this contest or tweet it or something, well then, maybe I want to give you another 5.
And if you blog this, then maybe that means 10.
And if, oh if, we get to 150 followers, then maybe I'll want to add a 2nd winner...
*only legitimate comments count, not "hey, blah, blah, great mehmehmeh." I want to know you have a brain and have read what my brain said to yourbrain. And I want you to come back here and let me know that you commented and want it counted.
** And oh! Hey, I also hit 100 posts! I believe it was with my Thirsty review, so I'm thinking there's an extra entry in there for people who comment on it...
Did I mention this was international? Did I also mention that I am an English major, and that you should help me out and do a little of the math for me? (hinthint, nudgenudge)
[psst. My friend Elie just reached 100 followers, too. And I know you want to join the club (all the cool kids are doin' it. So you should hop over there and check her out. It just may make me want to give you another 5 for following her, too. I'm in that kind of mood.]
Bonjour! Je m'appelle Misté. Oh, pardon. Where are my manners. I should speak in the Anglais, oui? My name is Misté, but you will call me The Marquessa, s'il vous plait. I am visiting my rich friend, Monsieur Darcy and his new wife, Elizabét.
Is not this gown lovely on my maid? I hired her specifically for the fitting of my gowns. It is too tiring. Of course it will look far more fetching on me when I wear it to the Darcy's ball. It will contrast so much darling with my hair brown and my eyes green, do not you think?
Pray, what are you wearing for the Darcy's grand fete? You will not forget to RSVP, of course...
Today's Spotlight? Shapeshifters. You may think that this is just a fancy term for werewolves, but the fact is that there are many types of shapeshifters, and that girl you know who's as annoying as the gnat in your room that you can't seem to get rid of -- well, she may just be that gnat.
(quick side note: the most disturbing thing about this ---> picture for me? His feet.)
So I think it's time to shine the spotlight on shifters and learn how to tell a friendly shifter from the kind that views you as dinner.
But this is easier said than done. There is no tell-tale way to, well, tell this tale. Some shifters are influenced or even controlled by the moon; some aren't. Some seem to need a specific item to shift; some don't. Some are especially hairy or seem to like to squirrel things away; some don't. That guy you know who always seems to wear loud, garish clothes? May be that he's a wereflamingo. But he may just like Hawaiian shirts. The best rule of thumb is to trust no one, of course. But if you must interact with other "humans," be cautious and commit the following to memory:
5 Myths about shapeshifters:
All shifters are controlled by the moon. False. The truth is, moon-related incidents from other strange phenomena (naked cavorting in a clearing: witches and lunatics.) have crossed into the shifter lore, but are often incorrect.
Shifters can be recognized by their copious amounts of hair. False. Some may be especially hairy, but there are hairless breeds of shifter, too (bald werecats, naked weremole-rats, etc) as well as only slightly hairy shifters (werepigs, wereelephants, etc). And of course, you can't forget the non-mammalian breeds, like werealligators and various werebirds. [note: if you see a feathery human, that is a good indication of a shifter, though a generally harmless one, so long as you stay away from the beak area.
Shapeshifting is a curse from God, so as long as I go to church and am pious, I'm covered. There are many schools of thought on this, and there are reports of shifting being punishment, but really, the truth is that whether the first shifter was cursed or a natural FON*, going to church isn't going to save your skin (from ripping into shreds when you shift uncontrollably and eat your congregation. Though that will teach Mary with the good brownies at the church bake sales. Pride cometh, Mary...)
Shapeshifting is a disease that is easily communicable. False. Maybe. Though shifting may be a symptom of a disease, there hasn't been any concrete evidence to suggest that it is easily communicable. At least, according to the government. It is true that there is no vaccine, however. So put down the bottle of anti-snake oil and walk away.
If you kill a shifter in their animal form, they will retain that form. False. When a shifter dies, they revert to their human form. So be careful if you swat that gnat. You may have some 'splaining to do.
Tricks to protect yourself:
Trust no one.
Stay in on nights of the full moon, just in case.
If you are bitten by anything, ever, seek treatment immediately. Better yet, cut off the infected limb.
Carry a package of Snausages at all times. These are invaluable if you come across a hungry werewolf/dog/coyote and some types of werebear and -cat.
Beware Berserkers. They may have started this whole ball rolling, and they're most certainly bad news.
I also bought Artemis Fowl 4: The Opal Deception by Eoin Colfer for $1! Brand new copy, from a store, 1 buck. Crazy, right? I need to go back and dig through the bin.
I have Sunshine by Robin McKinley on its way to me from Paperback Swap (this is my first swapped book! Yay!)
From the library I got a few things I mentioned in my last post (finally picked them up on my way home from an unintentionally hilarious wedding today -- my family should never be allowed in a Catholic church): Lost In Austen (movie) Fire by Kristin Cashore (are you as excited as I am?) Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife , by Mary Roach We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan (which I have been waiting and waiting on)
and this is a page from the (so cute) book Cinderella Skeleton. I have drawn other pages from this book in the past, I just love it so much. Isn't she darling?
