Jane Austen's Best Insults

Is it any surprise that Jane Austen is a master of the insult, the zinger, the perfect one-liner? After all, this is a woman who said of herself:

"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal."

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#JaneAusten talking about throwing shade... Lol

A post shared by Misty (@bookishmisty) on Jul 29, 2013 at 10:02pm PDT

A few nights ago, in my twitter chat Emma viewing, I said that one of the things I always tell people who haven't read Austen is that Jane Austen is FUNNY! There are many, many reasons why Jane is hilarious; truly, they are legion. But one of them — one of the best of them — is that she is damn good at an insult. Some of her insults are deliciously subtle (like Mr Collins' statement to Lizzie, "I have the highest opinion in the world of your excellent judgment in all matters within the scope of your understanding," made all the more hilarious because it's Mr Collins), and some are more overt, throwing-a-fit type insults ("Obstinate, headstrong girl!"). And of course, some of the most pivotal scenes in her books are based around insulting and being insulted (Hello, Darcy's entire proposal and also existence).

So collected here are some of my favorites, but before I get into them, this post was inspired by the following tweet, which is such the perfectly subtle Austen insult that I feel like a lot of readers miss it, or (like me, originally), think there's no way that's what she meant, right? Right?
(Hint: she totally did.)

i think about the fact that jane austen once referred to a character named richard as having “never done any thing to entitle himself to more than the abbreviation of his name” and just pic.twitter.com/SUyZRFTlRr

— Chaima ✨ شيماء (@kzabrekker) July 28, 2019

Now, onto some of my faves! (There are truly so many!)

“Miss Morland, no one can think more highly of the understanding of women than I do. In my opinion, nature has given them so much that they never find it necessary to use more than half." —Henry Tilney, Northanger Abbey

Oh, Henry. Henry, Henry, Henry. You very nearly lost me with your insults to women when I first read Northanger Abbey. If you weren't so damn funny, and so clearly facetious (I assume? I hope?!), it may have not gone well between us. 

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The above quote is balanced, of course, by Lizzie's:

There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense.

in Pride & Prejudice. Really, nearly half of what Lizzie says could probably make this list, a trait she definitely got from her father. In addition to the many (mostly) gentle barbs he slings at his wife, my favorite is probably:

My dear, do not give way to such gloomy thoughts [as that she should be put out of Longbourn upon Mr Bennet's death]. Let us hope for better things. Let us flatter ourselves that I may be the survivor.”

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I take no leave of you, Miss Bennet. I send no compliments to your mother. You deserve no such attention. I am most seriously displeased. —Lady Catherine, Pride & Prejudice

Let's not pretend that Lady Catherine isn't one of the best insult-ers in all of Austen, though certainly not the most subtle. I'm definitely going to start saying "I send no compliments to your mother," to everyone, for any reason, forever.

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"I have no doubt that he will thrive and be a very rich man in time–and his being illiterate and coarse need not disturb us." —Emma, Emma

on Mr Robert Martin, her apparent arch-nemesis, for some reason. Emma, of course, is an excellent insultstress, but we'll pass over her more badly-done moments for now, because this one is just so... *chef's kiss*

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There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense. — Elizabeth Bennet, Pride & Prejudice

Um, Elizabeth on life, but also, Jane Austen on all of us. Ouch, Jane.

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And definite honorable mention to this moment in the film version of Northanger Abbey:

"Isabella is so sensitive to the heat."
"Is she my dear? I noticed she wears as little as possible."

Mrs. Allen is a shady bitch. 😅#AusteninAugust

— Misty (@TheBookRat) August 5, 2019

Want more insults? Alexa Adams did a guest post on the topic here for Austen in August a few years ago!

And of course, before I let you go, I must give a plug for the brilliant artistry of Austen's non-major-work-related insults; her minor works and letters are peppered with bits of biting brilliance throughout, so go sally forth and discover the absolute SASS.

"I cannot say much for this monarch’s sense. Nor would I if I could, for he was a Lancastrian. I suppose you know all about the wars between him and the duke of York, who was of the right side; if you do not, you had better read some other history, for I shall not be very diffuse in this, meaning by it only to vent my spleen against, and show my hatred to, all those people whose parties or principles do not suit with mine, and not to give information. This king married Margaret of Anjou, a woman whose distresses and misfortunes were so great as almost to make me, who hates her, pity her." — Jane Austen, The History of England...By a Partial, Prejudiced, & Ignorant Historian (1791) 

“Now be sincere; did you admire me for my impertinence?"

Yes, Jane. Yes, we did.

Click here to return to the master list of Austen in August posts!